Balancing jobseeking, thesis writing and fiction

I haven't written for a while. Well, not on my blog. Though I have started a larger blog project which is coming along swimmingly. May mention it here one day.
My time has been spent finding a way to balance a lack of job and therefore the need to find a job, writing papers and my thesis, and what still feels like a guilty pleasure - writing fiction.
Why is it that what I really enjoy makes me feel guilty? Possibly because I don't see a way to make it into a living. Having said that, I have decided to have a wee plunge. I'm going to spend a few days working on a short story for a competition, which if I am talented enough to win will allow me a couple of months breathing space to carry on writing everything else. Who knows, maybe I'll become a fiction writer with a love for science instead of a struggling scientist with the passion for fiction writing. As a friend of mine writes on his blog - Onwards.

Dental horrors and budget stress

One thing I hate, or should I say am terrified of is Dentists. I have a severe dental phobia which arose after one bad session with my last dentist. Due to this I've avoided them like the plague (given one of my friends habits of bringing home her microbiology specimens by accident, I probably avoid dentists MORE than the plague). With this in mind, imagine the lovely time I'm having right now; a chunk of something (probably tartar) fell from behind my lower front teeth yesterday. I'm not in any real pain, just keep poking my tongue in the hole and making a vacuum which is causing gum tenderness. Can I stop it? No, I was even doing it in my sleep. Hence me knowing I need to bite the bullet and go get a check-up with a scale and polish. Not being registered I found a local dentist willing to take me on (reliant on NHS dentistry due to no jobs bearing fruit).

So, now I know I have a dental appointment do I feel happier? No. The terror, which started last night as I became aware that I should go have a check up, is now raging like a stormy sea pummelling the shores and making all sane creatures hide. By the time I get to the appointment I may be a gibbering wreck. Even going into a dentists today to ask if they took NHS patients was enough to bring on a panic attack. Oh fun. Looks like a good few days till the end of the appointment on Monday. Hopefully I will manage to stay in control enough to get the thing over with. Fingers crossed and all that.

Along with the horrors of Dentistry, the entirety of Britain sat and waited for the emergency 'mass buggering', sorry 'budget' to be anounced this week. So how screwed am I? Well, as I now have no job and have to rely on benefits while writing job applications for my new profession, I'm not too screwed so far. However, getting a job is probably going to be tougher as research councils and universities feel the squeeze. This means the time reliant on benefits is likely to be extended, possibly to the point where the new 10% reductions come into force. It's not scary yet, but there are really big clouds on the horizon and the future is far from sunny.

Living with a long haired Charlie Brooker

Last night I heard frantic typing while I was trying to sleep. My partner was writing me a letter.

This morning I said I'd wondered if he'd started blogging - his response, 'No, I don't know what I'd write. I have nothing to say.' This coming from a long haired angry man was gob smacking. I suggested pick something from the news and let loose on it. I know he makes me laugh (side splittingly so) when he's on his 24 hour daily rant fest and figured others would like it too. We used to have friends over who'd spend most of the Sunday dinner trying no to splutter roast potatoes across the room as he went into full throttle sarcasm and bile. Basically I live with Charlie Brooker's twin, and that's the problem. My partner doesn't want to be seen as copying Charlie, even though he's been Mr comment, rant and bile since before Charlie became famous. Hence me being puzzled and exasperated and wanting to rant. WHY, would someone so intelligent and outspoken shut up because he's worried he'll be copying someone else. My partner is the equivalent of Charlie and Victor Meldrew blended together and brewed for 30+ years. If he let loose on a public forum it would be wonderful to watch, all our friends want to see him let rip and keep threatening to tape our dinners and post them on the net. Others beg him to go on stage, daily mail in hand, and wait for the eruption, 30 seconds isn't too long to wait while he reads the headlines is it?Why can a man with a natural talent like this take back seat. He has a go at his sister (an award winning young film maker who's uber lazy) for squandering her talents and he's doing the same because he doesn't want people thinking he's copying someone. ARGH. See, now he's got me ranting.

Job interviews just like buses

Anyone who has spent some time job hunting will know that job interviews are like buses, there are none for ages, then 3 arrive at once. Of course, the hard thing is when the job you want most is the first interview, then you have to act as positive about the others while you have every finger and toe crossed hoping you managed not too come over too bad on the one you want. This finger and toe crossing usually effects your performance at the other interviews (gives you a funny walk and makes it hard to shake hands for starters) meaning you are probably not going to get the other jobs so in reality having 'not cocked up' the 1st interview becomes even more important.

This interview juggling scenario is also effected by the urge to check your emails or wait by the door in case the letter arrives to say you have (or have not) got the job you want most. If the important email arrives as your waiting for the next interview it could lead to an interesting conundrum. Do you say I have just got a job which I'm taking so can we cancel the interview; do you stay quiet, do the interview and have them offer you the job 2 days later at which point you say sorry I have to decline; or do you stay quiet and try to increase your offers by playing they two offers against each other slightly. I say slightly as this last scenario could lead to you loosing both offers which would not be good.

Oh, Job interviews, you fickle beasts where people decide your worth on a few high pressure questions and possibly end up making the wrong choice and leave the right person sitting at a laptop looking for more places to practise their hand shakes.

As you can probably tell, I had an interview for a really good job, which I want, yesterday, I'm now using every zen thing I can not to sit on the door mat with my laptop email updating every 20 seconds and my eyes propped open with match sticks so I don't miss the you have (have not) got it moment.

Changing face of Britishness

I remember when I was little, people used to joke the reason we British used to talk so much about the weather was because it was a safe subject - non offensive and we have a lot of weather. Subjects which were unsafe included Religion and Politics as they were seen as having the potential to offend. Fast forward 20-30 years and now religion and politics are seen as THE things to be talking about. What are your views? Are you an Atheist? Do you accept other peoples views or beliefs even if they clash with your own? What about your political views? Who are you going to vote for? ....... The questions and answers keep coming. Most of my work colleagues (see people in the uni I still work round, contacts and friends made from work etc.) and most of my friends and family know my views and oddly enough without even trying to screen people by these views they agree with me. We are mostly Atheist Liberals (Voting Lib Dem in the next election). It's odd how some of these people I've known for years, yet it's only now that it's safe to talk about the untalkable that these very British people have started to discuss and admit to the things we have in common.

May you live in interesting times - supposedly a Chinese curse - I think I like interesting if it means we stop being worried about offending and instead get to know people better.

I'm Severia, I'm Atheist and Liberal. Nice to meet you.

Doing what makes you happy.

I recently had to make on of those brave decisions which could have big consequences for my foreseeable future (no I'm not talking about making the choice of who to vote for, that choice was made a long time ago) I'm talking about leaving a job which I'd got as a way to free up some time for thesis writing as I would no longer be worried about where the rent was coming from, and instead able to use job hunting time as thesis writing time. To a lot of people this may seem a minor decision, or even a stupid one. I got the job to ease stress from financial areas, although as it was a stopgap job it still meant I'd be scraping by on the underside of skint. However, instead of easing the financial worries I felt panicked. The job was sold to me as something you could do as you needed, that there would always be the hours you wanted and that the bonus was obtainable making your meager hourly wage something not too bad. Instead, the reality hit within the first two days. The contract stated they did not guarantee hours. In fact on the second day once the training was over one of my start up cohort was asked to go home as they had someone turn up who was not supposed to be working yet was allowed to stay therefore meaning the newbie was unable to do the important transition to full worker at the end of the training until the next day. Add this to the fact the company only let on they had only got half the computer stations they needed for work to be at full capacity and I got really panicked. I spent the next two days in a state of panic and worry knowing that on the Monday I was going to be working (possibly - if no-one else nicked my space) for a company I had lost faith in. This meant my thesis writing time at the weekend was demolished. NOT GOOD. On the Sunday I had enough, I phoned up and handed in my resignation.

I'm not scared of stress, what I don't like is companies who omit vital facts, or who lie. Having the two separate trainers contradict each other in blatant policy difference ways was also a bad move.

Sometimes no job is a better than a job, and this was one of those times.
Be brave and do something today which will make you happy.

Spartacus : Blood and sand - (a naughty enjoyment)

On Charlie Brooker's 'You have been watching' this week many people caught their first glance at 'Spartacus: Blood and sand'; a raw and primal romp though roman civilisation made specifically to appeal to our naughty selves. Having watched the first series all the way through I can definitely say, if you allow prudishness to push you away from Spartacus, you will miss one of the best slowly developing train crash going to happen style of drama's available. It was wonderful and gripping. The slow build up of deception, back stabbing and the continuous growing feeling that however things work out, it would not be with a whimper, but with a glorious BANG was wonderfully written and managed to balance the sex, gore and nudity which so many others have highlighted as a reason not to watch. To me Spartacus was better than any rom-com (deemed socially respectable), just as guilty a pleasure, but with more substance both physical and dramatic. It was a great piece of drama and should win awards for the writers and actors, there have already been some nominations, but more should come.

On a side note, best wishes for a successful treatment and speedy recovery to Andy (Spartacus) Whitfield who has been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin Lymphoma.